Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
