I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
