The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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