Kiss
Puke
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
