If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
