You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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