omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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