Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
