Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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