Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
