I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
