and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
