We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
