Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
