While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hippo gnu deer
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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