she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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