theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
