My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
