I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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