shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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