lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
