I wanna bring you to show and tell
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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