Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
