i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Couch. On fire.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
