We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
