Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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