Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
