I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
