When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
