zippers are such a cool invention
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
