I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
