just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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