why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
