I think I won the penis lottery.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
