Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
