The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
