the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
