period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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