I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
