I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
ttyl tear gas
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
