Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
