They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
