I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
