I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
