so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
