OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
