Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
