so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
