Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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