My first STD was from a foam party
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So vagazzling was a success
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
