I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
